That one was a long one. It wasn’t writers block. It was avoidance. I just couldn’t. Honestly, I didn’t want to for a long time. Every time I’d come back and try to blog, I’d read through my last post and it would gut me and I would want to go hide under comfy blankets and wrap my heart in barbed wire so it wouldn’t get hurt again. Despite writing being a cathartic exercise for me, for a long time I just couldn’t put myself out there. I was just too vulnerable and I didn’t want to explore my feelings. I needed time to grieve and heal. I’m not saying that I’m whole again, because that’s just not a word that applies to a woman who’s lost a child, but I’m better. I can talk about it now. I can think about Harper and not cry. My chest doesn’t feel like it’s imploding. I smile when my kids still talk about Harper and draw pictures of her with angel wings.
And so I’m back. Not only because writing is indeed therapeutic for me but also because I think it’s important for me to document my other kids’ lives too. I was adamant about telling Harper’s story because she mattered. My other kids matter too and if for nothing else, I want there to be witness to their up and downs, joy and sorrows, adventures and everyday lives.
Obviously a lot has changed in the nearly year and a half since I’ve blogged last. It would take forever to explain everything so here’s the quick and dirty version along with a link to my Instagram if you’d like to see some photos and videos.
- We rented the house we built when we first moved here and bought another one. With a pool! We decided we wanted to travel more so we’re building a skoolie (see our blog about it here) and will be renting out our current house starting in June too.
- We did a bunch of road trips — Asheville, Chattanooga, Tampa, Charlotte, Washington DC, New York, Boston
- We took the kids to Disney World.
- I opened a business and closed a business. I helped open another one and then asked to be bought out of that partnership. I’m currently suing my ex-partner for fraud. Ahem, yeah. FML.
- I got really pissed after the election and have been fairly politically active since then. If you didn’t already know it, I’m an ardent liberal.
- Speaking of being unabashed about things, the last few years have taught me to be unapologetic about my opinions, my parenting style, my potty-mouth, my use of the word y’all now that I’m a Charlestonian, the growth of or dissolution of certain relationships and all other things that make me an individual. That doesn’t mean that I’m not willing to grow or change, I just refuse to cower when someone challenges my beliefs or values. I am slowly finding myself and my tribe. Damn, it took long enough.
- We ate some really, really good food. No really, like REALLY good food. You should get some.
- I got a new tattoo and re-pierced my nose. Y’all saw that I cut all my hair off (well it was more like a really short pixie) and am now growing it back.
- We’re still loving homeschooling and plan to continue.
Overall, the kids have grown a ton and I can’t wait to start documenting our upcoming adventures! It feels good to be back. I missed y’all.